Well, I’ve already fallen out of journaling daily. But that’s ok. I’m back anyway. It takes a while to start a habit and eventually, that’s what this will be.
Three things I’m grateful for? The support of my family – nuclear and extended. They’re wonderful, albeit sometimes crazy, people. My pooches and their tolerance of the boy. Even Tucker is starting to get over himself when the boy leans in for a hug. And dancing to Disney music with my son. Even on his crabbiest days (which today was one) he has moments that make me smile. Today, dancing to “Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride” from Lilo and Stitch was one of those moments.
That would also have to be my positive experience for today as well. Dancing with my son. He asks me to drop what I’m doing and dance with him all the time. I love it. Today alone we had at least 4 or 5 dance sessions. And if I can’t drop what I’m working on to dance, I always feel horrendously guilty. Those moments won’t last forever and man, will I miss them.
In college, my best friend and I came across a mug in the gift shop. It was some crappily drawn smiley face plastered on a white mug with the school’s logo under it. We were both having a very cynical year towards the school and we just felt it exemplified the whole situation. A $15 mug that looked like a 4-year old had drawn it. A $100k education at a tiny, unknown, private college.
I bought that damn mug. I had to. Apparently I needed a daily reminder of the absurdity of being surrounded by a blind, mindless optimism.
I’m a cynical person. Those of you who know me might think that’s an understatement. But I don’t want to be. I’m ready to train my brain to a different way of thinking.
I got rid of that mug recently. Over 10 years later. Let someone else feel the cynicism pouring out of it. I was done with that reminder.
Today is day one of training my brain to a positive way of thinking. Starting today, I’ll be journaling three things per day that I’m grateful for and one positive experience. I might be grateful for the end of the day, or the boy going to sleep early. I might repeat things. I might recount a past positive experience rather than something that happened that day. Who knows. I’m keeping the rules as loose as possible so that I have fewer excuses not to do it. Because I’m ready for a change.
Today I am grateful for my son’s patience. He seems to have been gifted with all the patience that I lack. I’m thankful for fluctuating prices, especially when it means I get something for less than I’ve budgeted. And I’m thankful that it’s Friday, because I have more to get done than can be fit in on a weekday.
Today’s positive experience was a short, sweet one. M took the boy out this afternoon to run a quick errand. He (the boy) came back with a Cadbury Fruit and Nut bar in his hand. He gave me the biggest, sweetest, shit eating grin when he handed it to me. A two-year old who likes to pick out things like chocolates and flowers for his momma – be still my heart.